Love aint free

Look I know and you know that love aint free and that chicks don't just give it up to guys on the first date all the time. I gotta say though I've had some crazy success cruising Craigslist on many a night when I don't feel like hitting the clubs. While I know there are some creeps on the internet that was a long time ago and now everybody from MILFS to college chicks use craigslist to get their freak on.

Sure a few times I've found myself balls deep in a roll of fat instead of a pussy but you can't win em all and a woman is a woman. So I post an ad with a pic of me in my bathroom mirror with the little Zach (not that little!!) at full attention doing my best Brock Lesnar impression. I know I'm pretty hot and that all of the chicks are going to be sending me emails asking for my number. So I go and make myself a protein shake (never giving up on getting ripped!!) and come back and I mean I'm flooded with requests. I find one that is just crazy. Some dude got in some accident and his dick fell off or something (what the fuck!) and he can't have sex with his wife but he loves her an wants to get her some cock. He looked me over and thought the Zachman could do just the trick. So he gives me a link to his wife's profile on some site.

It makes sense because you can never be too careful what with craigslist killers and fifty cents on the loose. So I click the link and sign up..they want your credit card so they know you are old enough to view naked pics which means I'm going to see alllllll of this dude's wife without even having to go to their house! I get onto her profile and she is smoking hot and my dick is nice and hard thinking about all of the things I'm going to do to her. So then there is a new email address to contact her at as she knows I'm for real now and not who faking who I say I am. Smart, I bet she can go like a racehorse. So I shoot this new email address a quick message and include a few more money shots if you know what I mean and the bitch never gets back to me! I email her husband a few more times but he never gets back to me neither and it cost me 40 bucks to sign up for this website!

Love aint always free I guess! Even if it hurts!

Get Ripped! Yeah RIGHT

Yo everybody ya boy Zach here and I'm here with a crazy story that you'll never believe! So it was just a normal day like every other day. Here I am surfing the web reading my sites and I come across this ad. Alright so I know what you are all thinking and I know what you are going to say. You want to know what my favorite sites are and what kind of cool stuff a dude like me is into, right?

Well you know that isn't what my story is about right now. My story is about man's struggle with getting ripped. Everybody that knows me knows that I love my time with the ladies but that a lot of them have been hating on yours truly because of a few bulges here and there. Look I know what a man is supposed to look like. I've been watching WWF (fuck that WWE shit!) since I was a kid and had a Hulk Hogan weight set and Ultimate Warrior arm tassles. I watch UFC like it is my religion and would be an awesome ultimate cage fighter if I put my mind to it. But I am a lover not a fighter and this is why I want to get ripped. I don't need to prove that I can smash dudes or some other macho stuff.

So I see this ad for get ripped in 4 weeks. If you know me you know I want to get ripped but that I don't have the time or money for a gym and we all know you can't just do this stuff without a gym so I had to know. A few of my friends had given me some advice before but they are all fat anyway and not ripped. So I click this ad, something I thought I'd never do again, but I clicked it and here I was, within 4 business days I'll have everything I need to get ripped. MONEY. BACK. GUARANTEE DUDES!

I go to Wal Mart and stock up on some of the essentials. You know the protein the CLIF bars the Powerade and I'm ready to get ripped. I wait by the mailbox and my mom thinks I'm crazy but what does she know about getting ripped? So the package finally gets here and let me tell you my friends my heart sank. It was just a book in some bubble wrap about exercises to do and no drugs or anything. I panic because I don't have time to read a book and no book will get me ripped so I log onto my hotmail and find the email. The dudes who sent me this book would have to give me a refund after I explain my situation to them. So it looks like they are from Philly the city of brotherly love. I was relieved because I knew my bros i Philly would take care of me. When I called the number though it just told me the number was disconnected.

So here I am wiser and not ripped and I can tell you that there is no way to get ripped in 4 weeks and don't click ads from sites you have to delete from your history.